First: impossible to get a job in this bloody town, and yet I need money to fund my research. So I end up taking the jobs nobody wanted. I did not think I would end so low as to babysit a dwarf priestress for a pilgrimage. Can't tell you the jokes I had to suffer when I took it...Why? ha, yes, I did not tell you: she is a BEARDED dwarf priestress. Yeah, seriously. And no, no way.
Second: As we travel through a forest when end up in an elven village. No time to relax or find some nice looking company, the village is being attacked by slavers. Cutting through the hordes we exit the village with a fistful of villagers. And BAAM, karma comes back and I end up with the ugly sisters. You would think that elves are good looking (we all saw the posters of Lodoss...man!), but here, I took a severe blow. Between a bearded dwarf and three ugly sisters... I guess I will multiclass in monk!
Three: we reach the penitentiary of Leavenworth...ok, the city of Realkinkham, but there is not much difference: Half the city is under the influence of a drug, if you want to get ou (by boat), you take the chance of having a piece of you cut for calming the wrath of a God, drunk sailor bang at you door at night to get shag and ugly sister sariel wakes you up naked (see second point to understand why it is awfull)...I never thought you could have so many warts THERE.
Fourth: we go to the city of Wylea to plea the Tariff to stop this madness of cutting off people's extremities. So we get a boat and I end up between: a crew of sailor, a bearded dwarf priestress, three ugly elven sister AND A DRAGONBORN. A kind of dracoid humanoid scary as hell. What is wrong with this world? Will I have to call myself "Tyrion the frustrated" or what?
And Five: Although we manage to convice the Tariff that she should cancel this cutting people madness, the vizir steals the paper and wants to make it divine law. Guess what: yeah, we get to fight (well, you know: at the bad place at the wrong time, with the wrong people) and of course (karma) who ends up bleeding to death because stupid paladins think we are the bad guys...yeah, me. Fuck! I have nightmares of the ugly naked sister poping up my head all the time now...
So to sumarize: No way to get laid (I mean, considering the choice of partners), beaten to death by mistake and well position warts popping in my head... this will look so good in books of history or, even worse, in a bard song.
"Hear, hear, this is the story,
of a poor sad man named Tyrion,
willing to let his mark on History,
and end up hoping for Oblivion.
He was versed on using the sword,
and commanded the elements,
but of that remain no word,
and people laugh at his torments.
Skilled bodygard by trade,
he fought to repell the distress,
but miserable is was made,
garding a bearded dwarf priestress.
Still on his way to glory,
he tracks and hunts slavers,
but end ups having for lorry,
the trio of ugly elven sisters.
My, my, it could not be worse,
but fate is treacherous mistress,
females with head like a horse's,
and body he sadly saw undress.
Poor, poor Tyrion the frustrated,
whose balls end up so swollen,
that one day, they exploded,
and in madness he was driven"
of a poor sad man named Tyrion,
willing to let his mark on History,
and end up hoping for Oblivion.
He was versed on using the sword,
and commanded the elements,
but of that remain no word,
and people laugh at his torments.
Skilled bodygard by trade,
he fought to repell the distress,
but miserable is was made,
garding a bearded dwarf priestress.
Still on his way to glory,
he tracks and hunts slavers,
but end ups having for lorry,
the trio of ugly elven sisters.
My, my, it could not be worse,
but fate is treacherous mistress,
females with head like a horse's,
and body he sadly saw undress.
Poor, poor Tyrion the frustrated,
whose balls end up so swollen,
that one day, they exploded,
and in madness he was driven"
