I live in shame.
I have failed terribly and I cannot get over it. Since that day, I have not rested well, I do not eat anything and I keep getting dreams about him. I cannot forget that I killed Gesh, paladin of Erathis.
I keep on reliving those days, trying to understand, to find a mistake, a decision that could have prevented my terrible acts, but I cannot find it.
When we left Wylea, we were in a big hurry. We wanted to gain time at all costs to stop the vizir, Avonazemon from consecrating the trade tax law. The speed at which we travelled was at the end just enough, but the cost was great, it nearly cost me my life.
We had to fight all the way to Relkingham. The lands between the two cities had been attacked by some horrible monsters that raised the undead. They tried to oppose our passage and, even though they were unable to stop us, they made us more tired.
When we arrived to Relkingham, I was almost dead of exhaustion. We had had four combats without rest, ridden for two days and almost killed our horses.
The city was calm, the Vizir had arrived and he was hiding in the temple so we decided, again without resting, to go warn the Mayor.
As we were crossing the main square, right in front of the temple, we found some soldiers that told us that in fact the fighting had already begun... and had already been lost. The Vizir and his evil minions had taken over the temple and were performing evil rituals right at that moment!
We decided to act, enter the temple and stop the Vizir there and now.
Right as we were getting into the temple, the evil minions of the Vizir started to act. They attacked the city square and a great combat started. With the help of the soldiers, we were able to kill the evil servants, even the great paladin that came out of the temple in the middle of the battle. It took all of us to kill him and finally the leader of the soldiers that were helping us sacrificed his life to stop him.
The temple doors were clean of enemies but it was closed shut and we were in a hurry, so we sneaked through a roof into the back gardens and from there we got to the altar.
By the time we got there, I was almost fainting with fatigue. I had been unable to focus and my reactions were so slow that the enemies kept avoiding my thrusts. Although it kept trying, my body felt drained and I knew I was almost at the end of my strength.
As we got into the altar room, the despicable piece of faeces that was the Vizir did a horrible spell to my sister Adolfiel that left her helpless. Gesh and me hurried to her help and got close to Avonazemon so we could attack him.
Then came the most horrible moment of my life.
As we were fighting, I got too close to Avonazemon and for a second, I was vulnerable. The Vizir approached me, put his hand on my arm and came into my mind, commanding me to follow his orders.
I was so tired.
I could not resist, he was too strong for me.
My body was taken away from my mind and used as a puppet, while I watched helpless.
I turned around and with one powerful attack, I sent the paladin to the ground.
I tried to stop it, to throw him away from my mind. But I could not.
With a second attack I killed the honourable paladin, the future husband of one of my sisters (which one I do not know, maybe both), tall and strong.
Some minutes later, Avonazemon finally paid the price to all the evil he had provoked. He had become a servant of an evil god of the undead and had tried to promote this law to have many human sacrifices for his god. I hope he gets to feel ten times the pain he has brought to us.
We saved the temple, although it had been desecrated and got rewarded for it, we are very popular in the city right now.
The rest of the group is not talking much about Gesh, not even my sisters. They let the Mayor and the citizens think that all of us were heroes, but it was not true. Not all of us were free of guilt. Although they do not say anything to me, I know they are thinking about what happened in the altar.
The morning after the combat, after having finally rested, I went alone to the hills outside the city and burnt a small sacrifice for Gesh. I burnt the figure I was making for mum. She will understand, in the figure I was represented as a heroine helping others, and this is not true any more. It's the price for my pride.
I wish I could talk to mum, she would understand.
